What a Modern Woman Wants and Seeks in a 21st Century Relationship – Part 3 of 3


sarah nean bruce ~ a modern woman on a journey of «discovering & becoming beauty»... while living in urbia as a filmmaker, artist, writer, journalist, and informationist (Image by Sylvianism1 via Flickr)

A revealing, honest, in-depth exposé
by Sarah Nean Bruce

PART 3 of 3


Modern Women look at the Big Picture for enduring 21st Century Relationships.

They often hope they can, at minimum, become friends with the 21st Century Gentleman.

When Modern Women meet a man and their first intuition is this is someone they can become friends with, that is good. They want to feel a connection.

Their goals are to be in healthy, trusting, unconditional, affectionate long-term relationships. But they are realistic. At the onset, Modern Women are open to long term or short term relationships. At minimum, they hope for enduring friendships.

They want to have fun. They are cautiously optimistic. They want to be themselves with men. Although they can’t predict the future or read minds, they can often sense ambivalence or uncertainty in the 21st Century Gentleman, but confident Modern Women trust that time – with patience and effort – reveals to all.

Modern Women live their lives with very little fear. They feel happy most of the time. They understand that people are different and at distinctive places in their lives – emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially. They get that variety makes life exciting and unpredictable. And they realize adversity builds their character and strength, but they don’t seek it.

They don’t make up their mind on whether they are a good fit until they see each other for two to three months. After 100 days, Modern Women usually know if it can be a long-term relationship, or casual friends (or perhaps discover that they can be friends with benefits for awhile, because they are mature 21st Century adults). They are willing to invest their limited time to explore possibilities if someone seems worthwhile to them.

They know perceptions are unique, and they don’t consider differences an incompatibility. As modern women, they come from a place of acceptance, tolerance, patience and diversity.  This philosophy gives them a broader perspective and makes their lives richer and certainly more interesting.

They believe Modern Women and 21st Century Gentlemen are interested in people with varying ideas, thoughts, religious perspectives and backgrounds. They understand that being open to different people expands their minds, makes their lives richer and offers them the potential to grow spiritually and intellectually.

They recognize there are many people who want to be given a puzzle with an answer and pieces that fit like they were made for each other.  The 21st Century Gentleman and the Modern Woman believe things don’t always fit perfectly, and sometimes it is the rough edges that make life more fascinating.

Modern Women like mates who are fun, charming, alluring, and intelligent.  They want their moments together to be pleasing, and thought provoking. They want to discover and grow in the time they spend in the dating phase and beyond.

Nearly all modern women seek a 21st Century Gentleman with common values, emotional health, maturity, kindness, strength, financial responsibility, pleasant physical appearance, good fitness, and decent communication skills. In their pursuit of happiness and search for an alchemic transformation of the heart, these are essential elements for a potentially incredible 21st Century Relationship. Otherwise, Modern Women are just fine on their own, because they are truly happy with themselves.

Ordinary life does not interest me. I seek only the high moments.

I am in accord with the surrealists, searching for the marvelous.

~{Anaïs Nin}~


When Modern Women reach the point of making a commitment to the 21st Century Gentleman, they sincerely ponder and assess mutual goals for an enduring relationship.

Here is a compilation of Soul Mate/Life Goals Wish Lists from Modern Women.

Relational –
~with self: maintain a healthy mind ~ body ~ soul ~ character.
~with family: continue to keep in close contact with parents, children, siblings & their children; be supportive, honest & loving.
~with soulmate: maintain a close, kind, reciprocal, intimate, passionate, loving relationship and partnership with a strong, powerful, brave, centered, real, 21st Century Gentleman.

Financial –
~work/biz: be and do our best each day at what we are. be creative & artistic, as well as, financially secure for now & for later, establishing & maintaining long-term resources, all while keeping a balanced, happy, artistic life. focus on our goals without being distracted by things not directly related to our goals & happiness.
~home: be responsible and realistic with what we have and build a stronger future. reduce, reuse & recycle what we have.

Personal –
~physical: daily exercise, sleep well, eat right; take vitamins, breathe fresh air & drink lots of water.
~spiritual: open to new ideas and universe, learn, expand our horizons abroad, be more intuitive and forgiving.
~emotional: stable, grateful, balanced, positive, in control of our emotions and release at the right time.
~perpetual: live with integrity, grace, style, loyalty, love; be impeccable with our word, and around people who reciprocate honesty & trust & affection & integrity & loyalty & intimacy.

The fiery moments of a passionate experience

are moments of wholeness and totality.

~{Anaïs Nin}~


**DISCLAIMER: the preceding commentary is a composite of relationship experiences, expectations and hopes from many modern women. They trust that any men they’ve dated/relinquished, friended/unfriended, liked/disliked, loved/loathed and married/divorced won’t take it personally.**

Part 1 of 3:

Part 2 of 3:

Part 3 of 3:

® bel âge medias


Sarah Nean Bruce is a 40-something, thrice-married, childfree, single, modern woman living and writing in Los Angeles. On her journey and journaling of Becoming Beauty since the new millennium began, her friends often remarked that she had gained a rare and realistic perspective on what modern women truly want and don’t want in a relationship. From many years of reading, writing, speaking and sharing personal experiences, she was encouraged by these friends to reveal in her books, screenplays and articles the thoughts, secrets and opinions of the Modern Woman. She believes she has put together a straightforward, objective and noteworthy breakdown of what many modern women seek in a 21st Century relationship.
This brief exposé is presented in three parts.
This is Part 3 of the series.

5 responses to “What a Modern Woman Wants and Seeks in a 21st Century Relationship – Part 3 of 3

  1. Excellent series, Sarah. I like picking out parts that ring true with me, and so very much of this part does, especially, “They believe Modern Women and 21st Century Gentlemen are interested in people with varying ideas, thoughts, religious perspectives and backgrounds. They understand that being open to different people expands their minds, makes their lives richer and offers them the potential to grow spiritually and intellectually.” ah, there is nothing i love more than a smart, spiritual discourse with a 21st Century Gentleman, and we, of course accept and think just as highly of the other, even if our beliefs differ. <3 I think it is the thrill of feeling expanded mentally, as you say.

  2. Pingback: What a Modern Woman Wants and Seeks in a 21st Century Relationship – Part 2 of 3 « sarah nean bruce·

  3. Pingback: What a Modern Woman Wants and Seeks in a 21st Century Relationship – Part 1 of 3 « sarah nean bruce·

  4. All of this sounds like the perfect woman, manufacturer in a lab and implanted with a personality from a menu of options that can be chosen at touch screen display. Did you ever see the movie Blade Runner? This modern woman you’re describing sounds a lot like what I would image Rachel Deckard would be like in real life.

    I almost think that you need to turn this into an infomercial – like women can buy some DVDs and become this “Modern Women” you’re talking about. Like P90X, only for the mind!

    There was a time, way back when, that I figured out that the “perfect” wife for me doesn’t need a husband. I’m no catch of the day, but I give good massages, have a good sense of humor and do my own laundry. That must count for something, right? Oh, I forgot – I make six figures and in spite of that, I drive a reasonably price car at the moment.

    I think I need to frame this or something – or put a full-page ad in the WSJ that reads, “If you’re this woman, please call me now! Will relocate.1-800-XXX-XXXX. ”

    Seriously though, this is an excellent piece Sarah. Extremely well-written. Best thing I’ve read in a long time. Really.

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