A revealing, honest, in-depth exposé
by Sarah Nean Bruce
PART 1 of 3
STAGE I – INCEPTION:
Modern Women function under plain and simple truths when it comes to dating and relationships.
Honestly, most women are attracted to men with a great personality over great looks. They often like and admire the funny and fun men more than handsome and debonair guys.
They like men with personality, confidence, courtesy and strength. They admire men who are leaders and decision-makers. They want men to have a positive attitude, engaging presence, enthusiastic disposition, and to be confident, but not domineering or arrogant.
And even though we live in the 21st Century, many modern women want 21st Century Gentlemen to ask them out in person or on the telephone, not in an email or a text or an IM or on Facebook, which seems weak.
Modern Women often like to wear dresses and to be treated like a woman. They are fond of stronger men who are polite and gallant. They notice and appreciate the little conscientious things modern men do for them, and for others. They like men who offer to pick them up for their date, open the car door and the restaurant door for them.
Each friend represents a world in us,
a world not born until they arrive,
and it is only by this meeting that
a new world is born.
STAGE II – IMPRESSION:
Modern Women consider etiquette during dating and beyond. There are taboo topics and misbehaviors that annoy and turn off both women and men.
They don’t want to hear about the “eX” and how much he dislikes her or how she’s poisoned his friends or his kids or his boss or his dog. They think men might badmouth them that way if things don’t work out. They don’t want to hear about how his mother ruined his life, or didn’t care for him or that she loved him too much. Modern Women often equate how a man treats, and speaks about, his mother as an indicator of how he will deal with them.
In the beginning, they don’t want to know how much money a man has lost in the real estate market or the stock market or a business. Or how bad the economy is treating him or how bad business is for him. They don’t want constant mentions of how stressed he is and his fear about a lack of money or paid work, or that he needs to get these clients or gigs or sales. Modern Women are not gold diggers, but they want security as much as men do. Equally, they don’t want men who are gold diggers and looking for Ms. Moneybags to facilitate the guy becoming a kept-man to live the life of Riley and total leisure.
They don’t want men to apologize for living in a small house or condominium or apartment. Nor do they need to hear that they want to get that big house again like the one they had when they were married. They don’t want men to make excuses for their residence, their CB2 furniture, or their work in the home office since they had to shut down their big office.
Conversely, Modern Women don’t want to hear how much money the men have or how many sports cars or SUVs or hybrids they own. They like men who are successful, assertive and self-assured, but they don’t like boasters and show-offs. On the other hand, they definitely don’t want men who are narcissists, posers, interlopers, opportunists, freeloaders, con artists, chico espertos, or couch-surfers.
Many Modern Women date within, or above, their financial class because they want a partner who has the similar goals and aspirations. They have read that an artist and a scientist can both be motivated and enthusiastic about their work and have tons of things in common but they also are realistic that it can be hard when a modern woman is financially more successful than her man because it’s societal, it’s social and it’s psychological. It doesn’t mean that a relationship is impossible, it just means Modern Women recognize paradoxical challenges of the 21st Century.
Modern Women don’t want men to flood over them like a tidal wave of too many communiqués and too many calls that hint of a quiet desperation to keep them monopolized, attracted and distracted while men evaluate potential or financial portfolios.
They want men to make the dinner plans and know that women won’t change those plans that took time to make. Modern Women enjoy men who will plan and make them dinner, or go to the gourmet food store to gather a dinner. Modern Women want men to know that they appreciate it and will say thank you after that dinner date planned, or made or gathered for them.
Modern Women believe that developing a deep connection takes time. They want to know if they’re physically and intimately compatible with each other and maybe even by the third week, around the third of fourth date, they will explore that. They definitely don’t like men who try to make them feel bad about wanting to use protection (condom) during intimate relations. And they really don’t want to be with men who are sleeping around.
Modern women know that early on there are bonding behaviors that intensify a relationship. They like to enjoy the quixotic ride a bit. They like to have the benefit of that romantic, electrifying bonding period.
I walk ahead of myself in perpetual expectancy of miracles.
**DISCLAIMER: the preceding commentary is a composite of relationship experiences, expectations and hopes from many modern women. They trust that any men they’ve dated/relinquished, friended/unfriended, liked/disliked, loved/loathed and married/divorced won’t take it personally.**
This ~ Part 1 of 3:
STAGE I – INCEPTION and STAGE II – IMPRESSION
Next ~ Part 2 of 3:
STAGE III – COMMUNICATION and STAGE IV – CONNECTION
Then ~ Part 3 of 3:
STAGE V – DURATION and STAGE VI – CONTEMPLATION
® bel âge medias
Sarah Nean Bruce is a 40-something, thrice-married, childfree, single, modern woman living and writing in Los Angeles. On her journey and journaling of Becoming Beauty since the new millennium began, her friends often remarked that she had gained a rare and realistic perspective on what modern women truly want and don’t want in a relationship. From many years of reading, writing, speaking and sharing personal experiences, she was encouraged by these friends to reveal in her books, screenplays and articles the thoughts, secrets and opinions of the Modern Woman. She believes she has put together a straightforward, objective and noteworthy breakdown of what many modern women seek in a 21st Century relationship.
This brief exposé is presented in three parts.
This is Part 1 of the series.
ANNOUNCEMENT: We are pleased to share news about our friend Sean Kanan’s new endeavor http://seankananthemoderngentleman.com. Sean brings together helpful and invaluable ideas, resources, guidance and tools for Modern Men (& Women) all in one place. We think the well-rounded approach of providing advice on cooking, entertaining, fashion and relationships to become the Modern Gentleman is a great concept and adventure. We enjoy the friendly writing, the assorted viewpoints and the distinctive insights the website presents. Please join us & share this link~sb
- 8 Mistakes Men Make with Women (lifescript.com)
- Samantha Daniels: What Women Really Want From Men They’re Dating (huffingtonpost.com)
- Top 5 Dating Mistakes (lifescript.com)